R155 is right. I didn't get my first real kiss till I was 25, and my virginity shortly thereafter. I made up for it as soon as I moved to NYC from the Bible Belt, but a lot of my initial behavior upon arriving in Manhattan was to make up for lost time.
But the sad reality is that no one cares that that generation lost its adolescence. So those of us who were part of that have to grow up and move on.
I learned to be alone and preferred it for a long time. I was happy. When I turned 40, my longest relationship had lasted six months.
I wasn't a whore that whole time. Yes, I had sex, but my life wasn't devoted to it. I travelled, spent time with friends and family and worked hard on my career.
Also, I put in the hard work to love myself. It's not about becoming a narcissist, but rather training the heart and head to not be unkind to yourself, to not be your own worst enemy.
And voila! At 41, I unexpectedly met the man who's become my husband. A weekend tryst has now lasted almost eight years. It shocks me to think of it, and I feel incredibly fortunate and grateful to have him in my life, and to be experiencing what it's like to be partnered. It's not all fun and games, of course: ALL relationships require nurturing.
Since it's come up in this thread, yes, we are sexually open. We decided that soon after we met. Sex is easy to procure; it's the rest that's hard to find and maintain, at least for gay men.
It works for us. Doesn't work for most, I imagine.
But that's not why I'm posting.
Gay life after 40 does not have to be empty and lonely. You will get out of it what you put in to it. (Like almost everything.) I turn (gulp) 50 this year, and that's a birthday where you really stop to assess what decisions you've made, and what you're going to do from this age forward.
It also helps not to live in a gay ghetto. I know too many gay men who have no female friends, which bewilders me to no end. I love women. LOVE them. My best friend outside of my marriage is a lesbian I've known since I was 22. We travel together to places that the husband doesn't want to visit. I can't imagine my life without her.
So those of you who are lonely, invest in the world. Be kind to yourself, and go out and find others with like interests.
Our lives are precious short. Make the most of the time.
