What alternate careers would these famous people have?
Kathy Bates would be a manager at Joann Fabrics.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 339 | January 23, 2021 6:15 AM |
So this game is just about looks and not about interests or skills? Just checking.
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | April 6, 2020 8:40 PM |
Looks and personality, yes. It could be other hobbies besides what they're famous for.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | April 6, 2020 8:41 PM |
Bates seems smart so I imagine she would be married to @ wealthy partner and she herself would be a politician.
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | April 6, 2020 8:45 PM |
Meghan McCain would be a Delta flight attendant, and never let anyone forget that her dad was a 747 captain.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 4 | April 6, 2020 8:45 PM |
Andy Cohen would also be a Flight Attendant who would sneer at you for asking for an extra pretzel pouch.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | April 6, 2020 8:50 PM |
I actually think Kathy Bates would run a dispensary but it would be much funnier than that sitcom they attempted.
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | April 6, 2020 8:52 PM |
John Travolta would have worked in a steam room. Oh. Never mind...
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | April 6, 2020 8:52 PM |
Kristin Chenoweth would be a Cheer Mom.
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | April 6, 2020 8:52 PM |
Rachael Ray would be the bartender at a sleazy east coast dive bar who all of the local guys have had at some point. She would probably still have '80s hair and listen to stuff like Bon Jovi.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 9 | April 6, 2020 8:53 PM |
Johnny Depp. Shut-in neighbor. Has everything delivered to his doorstep.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 10 | April 6, 2020 9:00 PM |
Donald Trump would be pumping gas somewhere. Nah. He wouldn't have the brains or skills to pump gas. He'd sell used cars.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 11 | April 6, 2020 9:01 PM |
^And Rachel Ray would be the kind of crusty bartender that would 'bump' your song off the jukebox if she didn't like what she heard. I know the type.
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | April 6, 2020 9:02 PM |
Meryl Streep would be president
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | April 6, 2020 9:04 PM |
You just described most of us, r10
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | April 6, 2020 9:06 PM |
Miley Cyrus here. I'm a 911 dispatcher. I end up dating cops, almost exclusively. Works for me.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 15 | April 6, 2020 9:06 PM |
Donald Trump would be one of those loudmouth Dads in a southern football town always running a scam and works for a roofing or paving company in Sales.
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | April 6, 2020 9:07 PM |
Mark Consuelos would be an aging drag queen.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | April 6, 2020 9:07 PM |
[quote] Andy Cohen would also be a Flight Attendant who would sneer at you for asking for an extra pretzel pouch.
He would also give you side eye while sneering.
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | April 6, 2020 9:09 PM |
Sarah Huckabee Sanders would drive a school bus in Little Rock. The kids would be terrified.
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | April 6, 2020 9:10 PM |
Rosie O'Donnell would be driving a bus in some gritty city.
| by Anonymous | reply 20 | April 6, 2020 9:11 PM |
R19, you beat me to it, and yours beat mine! Touché.
| by Anonymous | reply 21 | April 6, 2020 9:12 PM |
DL Fave Ben Barnes would have a part-time gig playing piano at The Townhouse. (And a full-time gig as a rent boy.)
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 22 | April 6, 2020 9:14 PM |
Anderson Cooper, Re/Max Home Sales Associate
| by Anonymous | reply 23 | April 6, 2020 9:17 PM |
Stephen Colbert would be a very competent male nurse.
| by Anonymous | reply 24 | April 6, 2020 9:17 PM |
Kim Kardashian would be a manager at Ardene.
| by Anonymous | reply 25 | April 6, 2020 9:19 PM |
Has Rosie given up being the President of the Tom Cruise fan club given the daily demands of driving a school bus?
| by Anonymous | reply 26 | April 6, 2020 9:20 PM |
Chris Pratt would work in construction. He will never make foreman.
| by Anonymous | reply 27 | April 6, 2020 9:20 PM |
I’m Elon Musk, let me clean your gutters.
| by Anonymous | reply 28 | April 6, 2020 9:21 PM |
I’m Elon Musk, let me clean your gutters.
| by Anonymous | reply 29 | April 6, 2020 9:21 PM |
Martha Stewart would have a potato and turnip farm in rural Poland. She would wear a babushka and beat her husband. 80 proof vodka would run through her veins.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 30 | April 6, 2020 9:21 PM |
Steve Buscemi: Adult Bookstore Manager
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 32 | April 6, 2020 9:21 PM |
R30 you mean it doesn't already?
| by Anonymous | reply 33 | April 6, 2020 9:22 PM |
Jennifer Aniston, Lead Stylist at Super Cuts
| by Anonymous | reply 34 | April 6, 2020 9:23 PM |
Nancy Pelosi, Olive Garden franchisee
| by Anonymous | reply 36 | April 6, 2020 9:23 PM |
Drew Barrymore would have some awful #van-life YouTube channel.
| by Anonymous | reply 37 | April 6, 2020 9:26 PM |
Oprah Winfrey would be working the phones on the gastro floor at the hospital.
| by Anonymous | reply 38 | April 6, 2020 9:27 PM |
Kevin Spacey - running acting camps for kids, serving on the young boys
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | April 6, 2020 9:29 PM |
Melania tRump. lead scarf folder at Romy and Michele's.
| by Anonymous | reply 40 | April 6, 2020 9:29 PM |
Tiger King star Carole Baskin would be weekend shift manager at Burger King. 🍔 👑
| by Anonymous | reply 41 | April 6, 2020 9:30 PM |
Lindsey Graham. Interior decorator. Specializing in Antebellum design.
| by Anonymous | reply 42 | April 6, 2020 9:30 PM |
OMG I mistakenly FFd r40 when I wanted to give them 1,000 WWs. Sorry!
| by Anonymous | reply 43 | April 6, 2020 9:31 PM |
Aaron Schock: Sean Cody superstar
| by Anonymous | reply 44 | April 6, 2020 9:32 PM |
Melania Trump - high priced call girl
Donald Trump, Jr - bookie
Ivanka Trump - Avon lady
| by Anonymous | reply 45 | April 6, 2020 9:32 PM |
I have a feeling Ms. Lindsey would have wedding planner and karaoke hostess as side gigs.
| by Anonymous | reply 46 | April 6, 2020 9:32 PM |
Ivanka Trump: Chin model for a medical book on deformities
| by Anonymous | reply 47 | April 6, 2020 9:33 PM |
David Letterman. High school guidance counselor.
| by Anonymous | reply 49 | April 6, 2020 9:35 PM |
John Boehner would be a funeral director, wait those guys can't cry.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 50 | April 6, 2020 9:36 PM |
Qusay and Uday Trump would be shift managers at Wawa. Dad would be selling used cars at a lot on Staten Island. Ivanka would be a sales clerk at Ulta, spending all of her salary on "beauty" products, and Melania would still be a hooker in Slovenia, where ever the fuck that is.
| by Anonymous | reply 51 | April 6, 2020 9:37 PM |
Tom Brady, regional sales manager for a nautical accessories retailer
| by Anonymous | reply 52 | April 6, 2020 9:41 PM |
My name is Shawn Mendes and I work at the Starbucks
| by Anonymous | reply 53 | April 6, 2020 9:43 PM |
Hi, I'm Tom Cruise and I'll be parking your car this evening.
| by Anonymous | reply 54 | April 6, 2020 9:47 PM |
Donald Trump, annoying uncle( by marriage only) and Coronavirus victim.
| by Anonymous | reply 55 | April 6, 2020 9:52 PM |
Diane Keaton would own and operate the best damn furniture consignment store you ever saw.
| by Anonymous | reply 56 | April 6, 2020 9:52 PM |
Leo DiCaprio, leasing sales agent Kia Motors Newark.
| by Anonymous | reply 57 | April 6, 2020 9:53 PM |
All the nepotism kids would be flipping burgers at McDonald's or working at the local pharmacy.
| by Anonymous | reply 58 | April 6, 2020 9:54 PM |
Kylie Jenner, trailer park wife of an Army guy, 3 kids by 21. She drives an older Escalade.
| by Anonymous | reply 59 | April 6, 2020 9:58 PM |
Would you like fries with that?
| by Anonymous | reply 60 | April 6, 2020 10:02 PM |
Brad and Angelina here (yes, we got back together for the kids).
Brad: stocker at Walmart working the night shift. (Angelina needs him at home during the day.)
Angelina: stay-at-home mom due to fibromyalgia. Not really good at household budgeting.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 61 | April 6, 2020 10:02 PM |
Kim and Kanye here. Kim is a Realtor® and sells high-end property in the county. Kanye is still working on getting licensed as a Realtor®. Both are on the board of the homeowners' association for Rolling Hills, the gated community where they live.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 62 | April 6, 2020 10:06 PM |
Ryan Gosling -Assistant manager of the produce department at the local supermarket.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 63 | April 6, 2020 10:14 PM |
If Ariana Grande weren't famous, Frankie Grande would still be her half-brother.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 64 | April 6, 2020 10:18 PM |
Jason Sudekis - pharmaceutical sales. Wears "slim fit" pants and shirts. Takes the office person (which ever team is interested) out for 2 hr lunches. Wink.
| by Anonymous | reply 65 | April 6, 2020 10:20 PM |
Ariana Grande - perfume saleslady
Aaron Rodgers - closeted college football coach who is secretly hooking up with one of the players
| by Anonymous | reply 66 | April 6, 2020 10:40 PM |
George Clooney would be the captain of the largest American owned mega-yacht.
| by Anonymous | reply 67 | April 6, 2020 10:59 PM |
Gwyneth Paltrow - saleslady at an organic food store
| by Anonymous | reply 68 | April 6, 2020 11:00 PM |
Gwyneth Paltrow strikes me more as a cunt kindergarten teacher... the self important kind who thinks she’s better than the parents at parenting the kids.
| by Anonymous | reply 69 | April 6, 2020 11:10 PM |
The Kardashians would still all be whores. Just not as well paid.
| by Anonymous | reply 70 | April 6, 2020 11:10 PM |
Tom Holland would be a waiter at a high end restaurant where the most expensive item is him.
| by Anonymous | reply 71 | April 6, 2020 11:13 PM |
Tom Holland would be a kept boy to rich sugar daddies
| by Anonymous | reply 72 | April 6, 2020 11:22 PM |
Connor Jessup would be a naked male sushi model for sheiks in the middle east.
| by Anonymous | reply 73 | April 6, 2020 11:24 PM |
The Kardashians would be working Hollywood Blvd.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 74 | April 6, 2020 11:27 PM |
Ellen DeGeneres - appliance sales at Sears
| by Anonymous | reply 75 | April 6, 2020 11:27 PM |
My friend G would've probably been a wet nurse for some hippie cult, singing Kumbaya between feedings. Before her well went dry, that is.
| by Anonymous | reply 76 | April 6, 2020 11:30 PM |
Timotheé would be a "sandwich artist" at the Subway shop in the Smith Haven Mall.
| by Anonymous | reply 77 | April 6, 2020 11:32 PM |
Andrew Cuomo would be the owner of a restaurant on Long Island that he inherited after his father's death and Chris would be FOH manager. Andrew walks in dressed in pleated slacks and a button up shirt and immediately gets into a shouting match with Chris. Mom sits at the bar and shakes her head.
| by Anonymous | reply 78 | April 6, 2020 11:35 PM |
[quote]Meryl Streep would be president
No, Meryl Streep would be the store manager at the Greenwich, CT Talbots, who sneers at you when you make a catalogue return.
| by Anonymous | reply 79 | April 6, 2020 11:40 PM |
Whoopi Goldberg would be West Hollywood's largest marijuana dispensary owner.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 80 | April 6, 2020 11:45 PM |
OP - I like to think if Kathy Bates were Manager at JoAnn’s Fabrics she would be saying passive aggressive shit to her employees all day like “Oh, how...symmetrical” regarding their floor displays.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 81 | April 6, 2020 11:46 PM |
Caitlyn Jenner would be the MC at a 3rd rate drag show in Key West Florida.
| by Anonymous | reply 82 | April 6, 2020 11:48 PM |
Lily Tomlin would be a telephone operator. What? I can’t play?
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 83 | April 6, 2020 11:54 PM |
[quote]Meghan McCain would be a Delta flight attendant, and never let anyone forget that her dad was a 747 captain.
Aren't there weight restrictions for those jobs?
| by Anonymous | reply 84 | April 7, 2020 12:00 AM |
Bill Hader = the "cool" IT guy in the office.
| by Anonymous | reply 86 | April 7, 2020 12:04 AM |
Meghan McCain would be married with five kids. Living in a trailer park. Working at a 7-11 and selling weed on the side.
| by Anonymous | reply 87 | April 7, 2020 12:05 AM |
Colin Jost would be a Branch Manager at Enterprise Rent A Car.
| by Anonymous | reply 88 | April 7, 2020 12:11 AM |
Well, she's not actually "famous," is she, really?
| by Anonymous | reply 89 | April 7, 2020 12:11 AM |
Jeremy Renner would be one of the gremlins that live under your bed.
| by Anonymous | reply 90 | April 7, 2020 12:11 AM |
Julia Roberts would be an assistant manager at a Dollar Store. Everyone she works with hates her. She’s sleeping with the manager.
| by Anonymous | reply 91 | April 7, 2020 12:13 AM |
R90, he would be a pug not a gremlin.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 92 | April 7, 2020 12:14 AM |
"Comedian" George Lopez would be permanently confined to a wheelchair after being stabbed by a random white guy he racially insulted while waiting in line to buy Lotto tickets at a Compton liquor store. Due to the severity of his injuries, he also wears a colostomy bag.
| by Anonymous | reply 93 | April 7, 2020 12:17 AM |
[post redacted because linking to dailymail.co.uk clearly indicates that the poster is either a troll or an idiot (probably both, honestly.) Our advice is that you just ignore this poster but whatever you do, don't click on any link to this putrid rag.]
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 95 | April 7, 2020 12:20 AM |
Madonna would be a fairground stripper.
| by Anonymous | reply 96 | April 7, 2020 12:21 AM |
Lucille ball would have worked in a tollbooth.
| by Anonymous | reply 97 | April 7, 2020 12:23 AM |
Greasy diner - Short order cook; Michael Pena.
“Hey Pena! Ya’ burnt another fuckin’ omelet!”
How one cell of this disastrous actor’s being made it to the silver screen, is mind boggling.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 98 | April 7, 2020 12:24 AM |
Vivian Vance as Datalounge's very own Muriel.
| by Anonymous | reply 99 | April 7, 2020 12:25 AM |
Jessica Lange would sell trees and be a really nasty bitch about it.
| by Anonymous | reply 100 | April 7, 2020 12:28 AM |
Rachel Maddow - Suit sales at Men's Warehouse
| by Anonymous | reply 101 | April 7, 2020 12:33 AM |
Vince Vaughn would have been an Amway salesman.
| by Anonymous | reply 102 | April 7, 2020 12:38 AM |
[quote] Jessica Lange would sell trees and be a really nasty bitch about it.
I can see that. She’d be bitter and drunk most of the time while husband Sam would be drunk all the time inside the office.
| by Anonymous | reply 103 | April 7, 2020 12:39 AM |
Tom Cruise - HBIC of some sketch pyramid scheme.
| by Anonymous | reply 104 | April 7, 2020 12:41 AM |
Faye Dunaway would be the wife of a homophobic Baptist preacher.
| by Anonymous | reply 105 | April 7, 2020 12:41 AM |
Joan Crawford still would've been a child abusing drunk.
| by Anonymous | reply 106 | April 7, 2020 12:46 AM |
[quote]Rachel Maddow - Suit sales at Men's Warehouse
No, Rachel Maddow actually has a Stanford degree and a Rhodes (tell me those aren't awarded to a certain political class). She would be Professor of Lesbian and Transgender Studies at Cal State Chico.
| by Anonymous | reply 107 | April 7, 2020 12:48 AM |
r91, you think there are all those levels at the dollar store. There is usually 1 cashier and then 1 other worker who comes out the back to give that person a break or open a second register once there are 20 people in the one line, begrudgingly.
| by Anonymous | reply 108 | April 7, 2020 1:03 AM |
Ha ha. He’s a balloon boy!
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 109 | April 7, 2020 1:09 AM |
The Kardashians would own a family run car wash that also sells slushy type drinks.
| by Anonymous | reply 110 | April 7, 2020 1:47 AM |
R19 SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 111 | April 7, 2020 1:50 AM |
Kardashian clan - grifters making money off GoFundMe scams
| by Anonymous | reply 112 | April 7, 2020 1:53 AM |
If Julie Andrews weren't famous she'd be a bouncer at a Lesbian bar in Los Angeles.
| by Anonymous | reply 113 | April 7, 2020 1:55 AM |
Mitch McTurtle = MORTICIAN
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 114 | April 7, 2020 2:40 AM |
Armie Hammer - patio furniture buyer for Lowe’s; specializes in wrought iron and sustainable redwood. Addicted to medical grade cannabis and has hard crush on the guy in power tools.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 115 | April 7, 2020 2:51 AM |
No, no, no, [R114]! Not a mortician! He'd be a scoutmaster who molests little boys.
| by Anonymous | reply 116 | April 7, 2020 2:58 AM |
Ivanka Trump would be a day shift stripper at the sleaziest of strip clubs.
| by Anonymous | reply 117 | April 7, 2020 3:24 AM |
Ivanka Teump - plastic surgeon's receptionist.
Kary Perry - Sephora makeup saleswoman. Always has a loser boyfriend.
Johnny Depp - alcoholic tattoo artist. Complains that legalization has ruined his side business.
| by Anonymous | reply 118 | April 7, 2020 4:46 AM |
Miss Lindsey - pageant coach
| by Anonymous | reply 119 | April 7, 2020 4:52 AM |
Scarlett Johanssen - car saleswoman. Worked her way up from receptionist by screwing the dealership owner.
Jennifer Lawrence - her replacement as receptionist.
| by Anonymous | reply 120 | April 7, 2020 4:52 AM |
Miss Lindsey - starring as Blanche in a community theater production of A Streetcar Named Desire
| by Anonymous | reply 121 | April 7, 2020 4:54 AM |
Alec Baldwin would be a hard-drinking private dick, who refers to Asian people as “Orientals”, owes several bookies money, and slaps his secretary on the ass.
| by Anonymous | reply 122 | April 7, 2020 5:36 AM |
Nah, Goop would be just another Park Ave hedge fund gold-digging wife, a drunk and totally eating disordered.
Pretty much what she is now without the “acting” part.
AnnE would be a drama teacher, of course.
| by Anonymous | reply 123 | April 7, 2020 5:46 AM |
Tom Hanks would be a well-respected high school principal.
| by Anonymous | reply 124 | April 7, 2020 5:53 AM |
Rob Lowe would be a life coach and social media influencer. His YouTube channel would be devoted to sharing his secret with middle aged people on how to be healthier and more sexy in their fifties than they were in their twenties.
| by Anonymous | reply 125 | April 7, 2020 5:57 AM |
Sgt. Tom Selleck would probably have re-enlisted in the Army National Guard and risen to the rank of Lt. Colonel, retired early and opened a gun store.
| by Anonymous | reply 126 | April 7, 2020 6:03 AM |
Conan O'Brien would be the eccentric but very adept Mayor of Boston.
| by Anonymous | reply 127 | April 7, 2020 6:09 AM |
John Stamos would own a couple of successful jewelry stores in the valley. He would make most of his money by flirting with fraus and getting them to buy Pandora charms.
| by Anonymous | reply 128 | April 7, 2020 6:14 AM |
[quote] John Stamos would own a couple of successful jewelry stores in the valley. He would make most of his money by flirting with fraus and getting them to buy Pandora charms.
I recall a review of some Elvis tribute show Stamos hosted, and the critic wrote that if it weren't for his looks he'd be pumping gasoline at a full-service gas station.
| by Anonymous | reply 129 | April 7, 2020 6:23 AM |
Barbra would be a fat, retired secretary who is divorced and annoying the hell out of her two kids. She'd be like the mother on The Nanny.
| by Anonymous | reply 130 | April 7, 2020 6:24 AM |
R129 sounds about right. That’s the case with most good looking people. They get breaks just based on how attractive they are. Never have to develop any talent or personality. At least he seems somewhat charming, though.
| by Anonymous | reply 131 | April 7, 2020 6:27 AM |
Darren Criss - male prostitute
| by Anonymous | reply 132 | April 7, 2020 10:46 AM |
Matt Gaetz would be a high school PE teacher/wrestling coach in Florida. He's at a new school every year after DUIs, hitting kids, fighting with school admins, etc. He keeps getting jobs because his dad is a congressman with a lot of pull.
| by Anonymous | reply 133 | April 7, 2020 12:40 PM |
Mario Lopez would be a 40 year old busboy still working at El Torito Hollywood.
| by Anonymous | reply 134 | April 7, 2020 12:50 PM |
Jules Andrews is 84 years old r113.
| by Anonymous | reply 135 | April 7, 2020 1:01 PM |
[quote]Kim and Kanye here. Kim is a Realtor® and sells high-end property in the county. Kanye is still working on getting licensed as a Realtor®. Both are on the board of the homeowners' association for Rolling Hills, the gated community where they live.
R62, Assuming you are referring to Rolling Hills, California (Equestrian region of LA County), by the “gated” reference? If that’s the case - and given your attached photo - Kim and Kanye would be fish out of water in there. Unlikely they’d make the board of the homeowners’ association.
Your pic is the antithesis of the earthy, equestrian individuals of The Hill. Not sure they’d be a success in real estate there either.
(Have heard there is a Rolling Hills, Kentucky though. Perhaps they could sell to Rand Paul? Or his neighbour?)
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 136 | April 7, 2020 1:20 PM |
Harry Styles would be a drag pageant queen.
| by Anonymous | reply 137 | April 7, 2020 1:51 PM |
[quote] Darren Criss - male prostitute
Yes, but what would he be if he weren’t famous?
| by Anonymous | reply 138 | April 7, 2020 1:54 PM |
Charlie Sheen managing a car wash.
| by Anonymous | reply 139 | April 7, 2020 3:36 PM |
Charlie Sheen would be directing and casting porn.
| by Anonymous | reply 140 | April 7, 2020 4:23 PM |
Marky Mark would be face-down, passed out drunk at Rachael Ray's bar every night. He would work odd hours doing construction or at the dock despite his ailing body.
| by Anonymous | reply 142 | April 7, 2020 6:23 PM |
Ellie Kemper would be working at her family's bank in Missouri.
| by Anonymous | reply 143 | April 7, 2020 6:56 PM |
Mila Kunis would still be blind in one eye and would be working as a stripper in some LA club.
| by Anonymous | reply 144 | April 7, 2020 7:04 PM |
Tom Hiddleston - short order cook ^^
| by Anonymous | reply 145 | April 7, 2020 7:06 PM |
Connie Francis would be the widow of a low-level Mafia enforcer and have forty-six grandchildren.
| by Anonymous | reply 146 | April 7, 2020 7:09 PM |
Tina Fey would be a high school anatomy teacher and giggle and tell off color jokes about body parts.
| by Anonymous | reply 147 | April 7, 2020 7:13 PM |
Taylor Swift would be a middle school music teacher who fucks her male students.
| by Anonymous | reply 148 | April 7, 2020 7:20 PM |
Chuck Todd would be a middle school band leader who has a night job at a call center because his frau wife has a QVC addiction.
| by Anonymous | reply 149 | April 7, 2020 7:25 PM |
Kelly Ripa would be an obnoxious MLM District Manager in Jersey with constant SM posts about her wonderful life due to her protein shake/patch/supplements. Kind of like Shanaan but alive.
| by Anonymous | reply 151 | April 7, 2020 7:26 PM |
Brie Larsen would be a barista. Hey, it could still happen if we are lucky.
| by Anonymous | reply 152 | April 7, 2020 7:28 PM |
Madonna would be a dance choreographer who owns her own studio. She is a legend in her own mind and constantly talks to her clients about who she could have been, and what she gave up when she left broadway behind to marry her wealthy old husband, who died in a tragic accident when he “fell” down the stairs.
| by Anonymous | reply 153 | April 7, 2020 7:32 PM |
Okay, so Julie Andrews is a RETIRED Lesbian bar bouncer...
| by Anonymous | reply 154 | April 7, 2020 7:37 PM |
Alyssa Milano would be working at her father's Italian restaurant as the hostess, disinterestedly seating patrons as she scrolls through Facebook on her cellphone.
| by Anonymous | reply 155 | April 7, 2020 7:42 PM |
Busy Phillips would be out on the floor at the local Old Navy outlet, refolding clothes left in the dressing room. But the customers really like her!
| by Anonymous | reply 156 | April 7, 2020 7:44 PM |
Courtney Love would still be whoring and lying her way around the music scene trying to find a meal ticket.
| by Anonymous | reply 157 | April 7, 2020 7:45 PM |
Susan Sarandon would be the thirsty old ho who works in the men’s clothing department at Macy’s. She wouldn’t take the job because she needs the, she would take it simply to wear low cut tops and push her saggy tiddies in every twenty year old boy’s face.
| by Anonymous | reply 158 | April 7, 2020 7:53 PM |
Matthew McConaughey would be a carnie, operating the Tilt-O-Whirl and fucking teenage girls in every town across the south.
| by Anonymous | reply 159 | April 7, 2020 7:56 PM |
This is a very funny thread.
| by Anonymous | reply 160 | April 7, 2020 8:00 PM |
R136, didn't mean *that* Rolling Hills. I was trying to make up a name like "Del Boca Vista." In the back of my mind, I knew that there really was a Rolling Hills.
The real Rolling Hills looks like a very nice neighborhood.
R62
| by Anonymous | reply 162 | April 7, 2020 8:06 PM |
Kathy Griffin would be a cunty emergency call taker who gives people attitude and insists they stop screaming at her while they are bleeding to death.
| by Anonymous | reply 163 | April 7, 2020 8:15 PM |
Faye Dunaway spa receptionist / executives kept woman
Meryl Streep Sales clerk ladies ready to wear Neiman Marcus
Miley Cyrus teenage runaway / street hooker
| by Anonymous | reply 164 | April 7, 2020 8:33 PM |
Tomi Lahren - vapid twat working at the makeup counter
| by Anonymous | reply 165 | April 7, 2020 8:44 PM |
Chris Pratt would still be a fat waiter.
| by Anonymous | reply 166 | April 7, 2020 8:45 PM |
R148, I doubt she'd be having sex with any males
| by Anonymous | reply 167 | April 7, 2020 8:49 PM |
Meryl Streep went to Vassar. She'd be fine
| by Anonymous | reply 168 | April 7, 2020 8:50 PM |
Elizabeth Warren - blackjack dealer at her tribe's casino
| by Anonymous | reply 169 | April 7, 2020 8:53 PM |
Sarah Paulson - Massage therapist at a home for aging lesbians
| by Anonymous | reply 170 | April 7, 2020 8:54 PM |
Warren is an accomplished woman. R169 must be a Trumpster.
R171, when was she ever dating boys in middle school? Or having relationships with any guys that weren't showmances?
| by Anonymous | reply 172 | April 7, 2020 9:01 PM |
Chrissy Metz, dispatcher at a cement company.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 173 | April 7, 2020 9:08 PM |
Taylor Swift has the brain of a teenage girl. She loves to date guys who are younger than she is. The older she gets the younger her men will get. What is the implication? That she is a clam licker? No way. That bitch is a narcissistic nut job who still thinks she is 17.
| by Anonymous | reply 174 | April 7, 2020 9:11 PM |
Jennifer Anniston. Worked her way up from car salesperson to Finance Manager at the local Mercedes-Benz dealership. Lots of stress eating, but has recently hired a personal trainer to get her weight back down to where it should be.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 175 | April 7, 2020 9:13 PM |
Kellyanne Conway running a payday loan company.
| by Anonymous | reply 176 | April 7, 2020 9:17 PM |
R176 Kellyanne Conway is the corner meth head and prostitute. $5 or a couple of Frostys will get you a BJ.
| by Anonymous | reply 177 | April 7, 2020 9:19 PM |
R174, the guy she's with now is around the same age as her, if you buy that they're a real couple. She was also linked to guys who are older like Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer
| by Anonymous | reply 178 | April 7, 2020 9:21 PM |
George W. Bush - alcoholic insurance salesman
| by Anonymous | reply 179 | April 7, 2020 9:22 PM |
Martha Stewart - matron in women's penitentiary
| by Anonymous | reply 180 | April 7, 2020 11:09 PM |
Sharon Stone would be an aging yacht girl hanging out in Cannes, or the wife of a rich Russian oligarch living in the South of France.
| by Anonymous | reply 181 | April 7, 2020 11:55 PM |
Bates would be a successful real estate agent.
| by Anonymous | reply 182 | April 8, 2020 12:12 AM |
P!nk would be the team captain for a roller derby team.
| by Anonymous | reply 183 | April 8, 2020 12:13 AM |
Anne Hathway would be the annoying family custody attorney.
| by Anonymous | reply 184 | April 8, 2020 12:15 AM |
Tim Tebow, gym teacher who likes showering with the guys a little too much
| by Anonymous | reply 185 | April 8, 2020 12:23 AM |
Kathleen Turner would work for the IRS.
| by Anonymous | reply 186 | April 8, 2020 12:26 AM |
Aaron Schock would be the "cool" youth pastor/seminarian at a small church in Peoria.
| by Anonymous | reply 187 | April 8, 2020 12:30 AM |
Kris Kardashian would be the top realtor in the LA Basin, she'd have a real estate empire.
Her adult children would all work for her on and off as their marriages allow, but none of the daughters would take real estate as seriously as their mother, or be as successful. Because they'd treat the job as a means to meet wealthy men, not as an end in itself.
| by Anonymous | reply 188 | April 8, 2020 12:31 AM |
Nick Jonas would be the attendant at a dry cleaners.
| by Anonymous | reply 189 | April 8, 2020 12:31 AM |
Vince Vaughn would be a sleazy, low-level drug dealer on the Hollywood strip.
| by Anonymous | reply 190 | April 8, 2020 12:33 AM |
Andy Buckley (David Wallace in The Office) would be a stockbroker, which he actually was before he started acting. I’d gladly let him manage my assets.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 191 | April 8, 2020 12:33 AM |
Charlton Heston would have owned a chain of gun stores in Southern Missouri and Arkansas.
| by Anonymous | reply 192 | April 8, 2020 12:35 AM |
R184 - Anne Hathaway would be an A.U.S.A
| by Anonymous | reply 193 | April 8, 2020 12:40 AM |
"Dr." Phil would invent a pillow filled with cut up foam strips. Oh wait, some mustachioed asshole already did that...never mind.
| by Anonymous | reply 194 | April 8, 2020 12:41 AM |
Actually not everyone will understand that acronymn- Assistant US Attorney.
| by Anonymous | reply 195 | April 8, 2020 12:41 AM |
Jimmy Fallon would work at the local bowling alley counter, sniffing the dirty shoes as they get turned in.
| by Anonymous | reply 196 | April 8, 2020 12:46 AM |
Chris Hemsworth would be a waiter at a Gold Coast beach restaurant, and would only show up for work when he felt like flirting for tips. Always in trouble over child support payments.
Robert Downey Jr. would be a bond trader. He'd be currently living in a halfway house after his fifth trip to rehab, and trying to figure out if he can work a third bankruptcy.
Benedict Cumberbacht would be a professor of art History at a minor university. He's thought to have a great lecturing style, and is always suspected of fucking students.
Jeremy Renner would be a fat alcoholic middle manager at Southwest Airlines HQ, and whenever he'd had a fight with one of his ex-wives he'd take it out on his underlings. His underlings joke about his habit of spending quiet moments scrolling through pictures of male Instahos.
Chris Pratt would be a district manager at Walmart, and would thoroughly enjoy forcing his employees to work unpaid overtime.
| by Anonymous | reply 197 | April 8, 2020 12:54 AM |
Jared Kushner - obnoxious investment banker
| by Anonymous | reply 198 | April 8, 2020 12:58 AM |
Dr. Drew - high school science teacher, the one all the students hate
| by Anonymous | reply 199 | April 8, 2020 12:59 AM |
Franki Grandé would be one of the attendants at the petting zoo at Knott's Berry Farm. His half-sister, Areola Grandé, would be one of the counter people who always fuck up your order at Del Taco.
| by Anonymous | reply 200 | April 8, 2020 12:59 AM |
James Corden would be making my Blizzard at Dairy Queen.
| by Anonymous | reply 201 | April 8, 2020 1:06 AM |
James Corden would be making my Blizzard at Dairy Queen.
| by Anonymous | reply 202 | April 8, 2020 1:06 AM |
"He would also give you side eye while sneering."
How could you tell? Doesn't Andy Cohen always give "side eye?"
| by Anonymous | reply 203 | April 8, 2020 1:16 AM |
Will Smith - pastor at a big LA mega-church. Always hustling the flock for "charitable donations", which judging by his lifestyle, seams to start with his local Mercedes dealer.
| by Anonymous | reply 204 | April 8, 2020 1:25 AM |
Patti Lupone would be a chocolatier at the Northport Sweet Shop.
| by Anonymous | reply 205 | April 8, 2020 1:28 AM |
Tracee Ross would be a claims adjusters. Even though she would be sympathetic, she would still deny your fraudulent claim. Whiplash my ass.
| by Anonymous | reply 206 | April 8, 2020 1:43 AM |
r204, he'd also be hitting on male parishioners on the downlow, while Jada hits on all the female parishioners
| by Anonymous | reply 207 | April 8, 2020 1:55 AM |
David Archuleta would be a bagboy at a grocery store and the fraus would rave about what a nice boy he is.
| by Anonymous | reply 208 | April 8, 2020 4:33 AM |
Jesus H. Christ, carpenter
| by Anonymous | reply 209 | April 8, 2020 6:33 AM |
R205, Lupone strikes me as more a hairdresser or nail salon worker type. One whose customers complain about because she reeks of alcohol all the time, causing her to have a meltdown and shave all of some frau's hair off. Eventually gets fired and has been unemployed ever since. The staff at the welfare office loathe her and her attitude.
| by Anonymous | reply 210 | April 8, 2020 6:34 AM |
Millie Bobby Brown, Finn Wolfhard, Noah Schnapp, Gaten Matarazzo, Caleb McLaughlin: High school students
| by Anonymous | reply 211 | April 8, 2020 6:40 AM |
Vin Diesel - bartender at a gay bar.
Dwayne Johnson - personal trainer who now owns a chain of local gyms. Wants to become a motivational speaker, too, because that's where the real money is.
| by Anonymous | reply 212 | April 8, 2020 7:00 AM |
Britney would have stayed home in Kentwood, Louisiana, where she'd work as a waitress at a sleazy diner. She'd be married to the former captain of her highschool football team turned used car dealer who'd beat her on the regular and fuck black strippers on the side. She'd be dangerously overweight and would have just welcomed her first grandchild.
| by Anonymous | reply 213 | April 8, 2020 7:08 AM |
Sissy Spacek would be making home made jewellery and selling them at a local market in the middle of nowhere in Texas.
| by Anonymous | reply 214 | April 8, 2020 7:26 AM |
Meryl Streep - Professor Emeritus of Theater Arts at a small liberal arts college. The SJW snowflake "activists" protesting everything her students ever performed drove her into early retirement.
| by Anonymous | reply 215 | April 8, 2020 9:51 AM |
r215, Streep is a liberal and the people who usually whine about SJWs (i.e. Republicans) would probably consider her to be an SJW
| by Anonymous | reply 219 | April 8, 2020 3:14 PM |
R219 - sensible liberals hate the sort of campus SJWs who pull shit like protesting anything feminist for being trans-exclusionary, and that's what Prof. Streep would have had to put up with. She's 70, she would have retired with a generous pension and all the other lovely benefits that come with being a professor of the era when tenure was available.
Anyway, end thread hijack.
| by Anonymous | reply 220 | April 8, 2020 5:48 PM |
Dakota Johnson - barista.
Jim Carrey - homeless man who wanders down the street screaming at the aliens.
Steve Martin - Journalist turned blogger and free-lance writer, because real journalists have been having more and more trouble getting work over the last few decades. Has trouble paying his mortgage.
Matt Damon - middle manager at a telecom corporation, is bitter because he his Harvard degree should made him a BP by now.
| by Anonymous | reply 221 | April 8, 2020 5:58 PM |
Hailee Steinfeld- high school music teacher who is the lead singer in cover band that performs on weekends and at summer weddings.
| by Anonymous | reply 222 | April 8, 2020 6:17 PM |
Hailee Steinfeld- high school music teacher who is the lead singer in cover band that performs on weekends and at summer weddings.
| by Anonymous | reply 223 | April 8, 2020 6:17 PM |
I meant "VP by now". Dammit.
| by Anonymous | reply 224 | April 8, 2020 6:19 PM |
R220, sensible liberals don't use right-wing talking points and they don't hate trans people. Republicans do.
| by Anonymous | reply 225 | April 8, 2020 7:49 PM |
Witty DLers, what are your best guesses as to what these folks would be up to:
Jon Hamm
Stephen Colbert
Seth Meyers
Joy Behar
Elisabeth Moss
| by Anonymous | reply 226 | April 8, 2020 7:56 PM |
John Goodman would be a long haul truck driver.
| by Anonymous | reply 227 | April 8, 2020 7:56 PM |
Seth Meyers would have been an awesome school principal -Beloved by students, parents, and staff.
| by Anonymous | reply 228 | April 8, 2020 8:03 PM |
Stevie Nicks would be a palm and tarot card reader.
| by Anonymous | reply 229 | April 8, 2020 8:05 PM |
Joy Behar is the cashier at a diner. She does not make eye contact and sits on her perch screaming "CASH ONLY" as the ash on her Benson & Hedges 100 magically stays attached to the tip of her cigarette.
| by Anonymous | reply 230 | April 8, 2020 8:08 PM |
Stephen Colbert makes keys at Lowes Home Improvement.
| by Anonymous | reply 231 | April 8, 2020 8:10 PM |
Logan Lerman: associate rabbi at Temple Emmanuel of Beverly Hills
| by Anonymous | reply 232 | April 8, 2020 8:11 PM |
No -Stephen Colbert would have been a college English Lit. prof. who flirted with all of his students, regardless of gender, but never had sex with any of them...
| by Anonymous | reply 233 | April 8, 2020 8:14 PM |
Steve Martin would be a curator for MOMA And the Met Museum of Art. At night for fun he would be a busker playing his banjo in Times Square.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 234 | April 9, 2020 12:36 AM |
[quote] Matt Damon - middle manager at a telecom corporation, is bitter because he his Harvard degree should made him a BP by now.
Wouldn't his ass alone have made him a VP or at the least famous?
| by Anonymous | reply 235 | April 9, 2020 2:21 AM |
[R209] My favorite rock opera.
| by Anonymous | reply 236 | April 9, 2020 2:24 AM |
Sigourney Weaver would own a successful customized aquarium shop and oversee all the work herself. She'd also be on the board of an oceanography non-profit and be on hand to tell grade-schoolers about the importance of keeping our oceans clean.
| by Anonymous | reply 237 | April 9, 2020 3:02 AM |
Jodie Foster would be a talented but overlooked sole woman partner at a pricey Los Angeles architectural firm. She'd do pro-bono work for women's shelters and the senior male partners would make nasty jokes about it whenever she was in the office and then snarl "dyke!" whenever she left the room.
| by Anonymous | reply 238 | April 9, 2020 3:04 AM |
Dr Phil would be a weatherman in nowhere Arkansas. His career would be ruined when his summer bbq series accidentally showed him getting a blow job from the house frau who was hosting the bbq and has never met a “celebrity.”
| by Anonymous | reply 239 | April 9, 2020 3:06 AM |
From the past....
Joan Crawford would be the Vice President of a prestigious modeling firm in a landmark of Mid-century Park Avenue architecture. She would always dress very well and have advice and tips for all her girls, mostly to do with men being evil and the need for thicker eyebrows. Her clients and models would both treat her with a mixture of grudging respect and good-old-fashioned terror. She would average a PA every three months, but would always write them an excellent reference.
Across the hall in the same classic 1950s Park Avenue building, Lauren Bacall would be running a boutique PR firm. She would have a handful of truly exceptional clients - Blackglama, the Orient Express - but would make most of the real money in cat food and instant coffee accounts. She would be even better-dressed than Joan and the two would strike up an uneasy not-quite-feud in the elevator, based on Lauren's ability to still land on best-dressed lists where Joan was thought too matronly.
The lobby attendant would, in due course, begin to hate his life.
| by Anonymous | reply 240 | April 9, 2020 3:11 AM |
Also from the past...
Grace Kelly would be the smart stenographer who went into the courts against the wishes of her upper class Philadelphia family as she felt a need to understand the rights and laws that bind the US together. After two years she would be swept off her feet by the NYC DA and installed in a splendid but tasteful 1935 Colonial Revival mansion in Litchfield, Connecticut, where she would chair garden-club luncheons, cultivate rare finches, raise two beautiful children and rue the day she was fucking born.
Cary Grant would be the talented but high-strung director of window treatments at Saks Fifth Avenue. His triumphs - a window of leopard prints incorporating live leopards, a display of suits light enough to flee an attack by plane - would be offset by a nervous breakdown one Christmas season when his aunt reveal to him that they've been chopping up the homeless for the last 20 years and, furthermore, always knew he was gay.
| by Anonymous | reply 241 | April 9, 2020 3:21 AM |
R221 Matt would eventually tire of the business world and his bitterness and buy a zoo. It would be a new beginning.
| by Anonymous | reply 242 | April 9, 2020 3:30 AM |
R79 I can hear Streeps voice saying "And you say this has not been worn? Hmm, quite odd. I don't recall this stain. The refund should appear in several days on your card. "
| by Anonymous | reply 243 | April 9, 2020 3:39 AM |
R240, what about Bette Davis?
| by Anonymous | reply 244 | April 9, 2020 3:40 AM |
I picture Bates as a center left democrat senator from a southern state.
| by Anonymous | reply 245 | April 9, 2020 3:42 AM |
Tom Cruise. Highly successful real estate agent. Instead of Scientology, he is hooked on one of those cultish self help groups that emphasize how everything in life is a choice.
Kim Kardashian, beautician and later on an owner of a spa in Beverly Hills.
| by Anonymous | reply 246 | April 9, 2020 3:47 AM |
[R244] Bette Davis would be the spirited owner of a stud farm in Millbrook, NY. She would ride like the devil himself over the low green hills every morning after her breakfast of a prairie oyster and bourbon chaser. The doughty but respectable and roughly manly owner of a major farming equipment company, recently relocated to that district after separating from his shrew wife, would woo her and woo her and woo her and woo her until it finally dawned on him that she simply did not give a sainted fuck.
| by Anonymous | reply 247 | April 9, 2020 3:49 AM |
Kate McKinnon- social worker at homeless shelter for gay teens
| by Anonymous | reply 248 | April 9, 2020 3:49 AM |
From the past...
Ava Gardner would be a successful realtor in Brooklyn Heights, specializing in the brownstones of that neighborhood. She would be helpful, soft-spoken and always wear fresh pastels. She is currently repping a beautiful apartment at 10 Montague Terrace, an elegant mansion on one of the most charming blocks in the city...she's sure she can do something on the monthly rental, Miss Parker, if it's a little too high...
| by Anonymous | reply 249 | April 9, 2020 3:54 AM |
Cyndi Lauper would run a cool consignment store in Cobble Hill. She'd partner with Emma Straub to do ghost story readings at Emma's bookstore for kids with cancer on Halloween and would dress up as the witch. She'd be facing bankruptcy every quarter but some sympathetic mafia don or rock star would always swoop in and buy a rickety armchair for 10 grand.
| by Anonymous | reply 250 | April 9, 2020 4:16 AM |
What would Damon AND Affleck be doing now?
| by Anonymous | reply 251 | April 9, 2020 4:19 AM |
Jennifer Connelly would be a super-nice yoga instructor in Park Slope. She would give beginner's lessons to both male and female students and remain genuinely oblivious to those who simply took the course to check out her magnificent rack.
| by Anonymous | reply 252 | April 9, 2020 4:20 AM |
R238 probably the same thing asshole studio execs said every time she left the room.
| by Anonymous | reply 253 | April 9, 2020 4:29 AM |
[R253] That may have been my implication.
| by Anonymous | reply 254 | April 9, 2020 4:30 AM |
"What would Damon AND Affleck be doing now?"
Married. To each other.
| by Anonymous | reply 255 | April 9, 2020 4:33 AM |
Sophia Vergara would be engaged to some old fart on 90 Day Fiance.
| by Anonymous | reply 256 | April 9, 2020 2:23 PM |
Jennifer Garner- school teacher at a conservative private Christian school
| by Anonymous | reply 257 | April 9, 2020 3:59 PM |
R232, I think that describes Ansol Eggert or whatever his boring name is even more. Or maybe he'd be a DJ at bar mitzvahs like the one where he was "discovered".
| by Anonymous | reply 258 | April 9, 2020 9:41 PM |
The truth is that if a lot of these people couldn’t have made it as actors they would have done something “adjacent“ instead: gone into PR, magazines or digital/social media depending on age, stylists, photographers, some may have been actual journalists (the smarter ones), etc. If you ask a lot of people in these industries, many of not most of them wanted (and sometimes actually tried) to be actors and actresses before they threw up their hands and said “ok I’ll do something where I can at least get a taste of that lifestyle.”
| by Anonymous | reply 259 | April 9, 2020 10:36 PM |
Katie Holmes, a Kelly girl.
| by Anonymous | reply 260 | April 10, 2020 12:10 AM |
Lindsay Lohan, a call girl
Dina Lohan, a madam
| by Anonymous | reply 261 | April 10, 2020 12:13 AM |
Lindsay Lohan, a call girl
Dina Lohan, a madam
| by Anonymous | reply 262 | April 10, 2020 12:13 AM |
Jennifer Lawrence would be a checkout chick at Walmat supporting a child of whom she is not sure who the father is.
| by Anonymous | reply 263 | April 10, 2020 12:30 AM |
Soap Edition:
Kelly Monaco/GH: ASMR videos on YT
Mo Benard/GH: Tire Salesman at Sears Automotive Center
| by Anonymous | reply 264 | April 10, 2020 12:37 AM |
R259 is probably the most realistic answer.
| by Anonymous | reply 265 | April 10, 2020 12:41 AM |
Nicole Kidman : rich Stepford housewife in an upper middle class CT town. Highly educated and neurotic. A member of the Homeowners Association.
Pete Davidson : barista at Starbucks . You can never tell if he's flirting with you or smirking at you.
Jessica Chastain : journalist for a liberal publication.
| by Anonymous | reply 266 | April 10, 2020 12:45 AM |
[quote]Nicole Kidman : rich Stepford housewife in an upper middle class CT town. Highly educated and neurotic. A member of the Homeowners Association.
Nicole Kidman would still be in Australia.
| by Anonymous | reply 267 | April 10, 2020 3:46 AM |
Actually, Pete Davidson would be an ex-barista who refuses to seek treatment for his psychiatric disorders or addictions. He'd be broke, couch-surfing, and always one argument away from being out on the street. Eventually he'd wind up in jail for killing a Datalounger, who was stupid enough to let him in the front door.
| by Anonymous | reply 268 | April 10, 2020 6:14 AM |
Jen Lawrence would be a single mom with four kids (each with a different dad) who quit her job at the Dollar Store to go party with the spring breakers in Florida because she ain't scared of no Corona. Returns from Florida poz, pregnant, poor and pissed off.
| by Anonymous | reply 269 | April 10, 2020 7:14 AM |
Angeline Jolie - founder of a cult where all members get plastic surgery to look like her
Chris Hemsworth - australian tour guide in an american city where he hooks up with a new girl every weekend.
Oprah - respected journalist turned politician. First gay president
Kim Kardashian - make up clerk at a pharmacy. Has an OnlyFans
| by Anonymous | reply 270 | April 10, 2020 7:33 AM |
Jim Carrey - high-level con artist. The kind who can appear to be a top money manager or a Vanderbilt heir, and get the wealthy and greedy to trust him with millions. Is wealthy, but keeps stealing anyway, out of pure evil.
| by Anonymous | reply 271 | April 10, 2020 8:19 AM |
George Clooney - media spokesman for a price-gouging pharmaceutical company.
Sacha Baron Cohen - surgeon with a terrible bedside manner. Just wants to collect his fee and slice up the next person.
Sharon Stone - the latest Mrs. Rupert Murdoch.
| by Anonymous | reply 272 | April 10, 2020 8:31 AM |
Michelle Williams would be a screw in a female prison.
| by Anonymous | reply 273 | April 10, 2020 8:54 AM |
Jim Carrey. Top clown in the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus. Mugging his way to the center ring.
| by Anonymous | reply 274 | April 10, 2020 12:43 PM |
Ben Affleck would be an alcoholic car salesman living in a rent-controlled apartment in Southie. He has trouble affording rent because the majority of his paycheck goes to Red Sox tickets.
| by Anonymous | reply 275 | April 10, 2020 12:55 PM |
Billy Crudup- college English professor who fucks students
| by Anonymous | reply 276 | April 10, 2020 12:56 PM |
Harvey Weinstein would be a goon for the mob. Oh wait...
| by Anonymous | reply 277 | April 10, 2020 12:56 PM |
Al Pacino would have been a male gigolo servicing insatiable, elderly Sicilian nonnas.
| by Anonymous | reply 278 | April 10, 2020 9:10 PM |
George Clooney would be a low-level manager at a plastics factory.
Roseanne Barr would be in prison for killing her family in 1984.
John Goodman was a truck driver until his death in 1996.
Laurie Metcalf would be a high school English teacher and faculty adviser for the drama club.
| by Anonymous | reply 279 | April 10, 2020 9:22 PM |
Ben Affleck would be living the same life that his old man had: alcoholic janitor.
| by Anonymous | reply 280 | April 10, 2020 9:23 PM |
Jon Hamm would be in prison.
John Slattery would be a Dentist or a Dermatologist.
Vincent Kartheiser would be a Service Advisor at a Honda Dealership.
| by Anonymous | reply 281 | April 10, 2020 9:34 PM |
Flo from Progressive would be a working at Fantastic Sam's or Great Clips and aspiring to one day be at Regis Salon in the Mall.
| by Anonymous | reply 282 | April 10, 2020 11:58 PM |
Juliette Lewis tells you that the Trader Ming sauce you're buying is her absolute favorite while she scans your groceries at Trader Joe's in Santa Monica.
| by Anonymous | reply 283 | April 11, 2020 1:01 AM |
Jessica Lange would be a Wal-Mart catalogue model.
| by Anonymous | reply 284 | April 11, 2020 4:30 AM |
Gwynneth Paltrow: High-end interior decorator since the divorce. The nouveau-rich housewives of LA think she's SO classy!
Ben Stiller: Chief accountant at the power company, likes nothing better than finding trifling errors and yelling about them.
Drew Barrymore: Assistant at a small-animal vet.
Taylor Swift - Top buyer for Forever 21.
| by Anonymous | reply 285 | April 11, 2020 5:04 AM |
Jeremy Irons - long-term member of parliament.
He looks great on TV, supremely photogenic, articulate, and charismatic. In private, he does whatever his advisors and puppet masters tell him to do, because he's an idiot with an IQ lower than George W. Bush's.
| by Anonymous | reply 286 | April 11, 2020 7:56 AM |
Ellen DeGeneres: store manager at Walmart or sadistic driving instructor.
| by Anonymous | reply 287 | April 11, 2020 9:38 AM |
[quote]George Clooney would be a low-level manager at a plastics factory.
Is that assuming his aunt wasn't already famous either?
| by Anonymous | reply 288 | April 11, 2020 9:40 AM |
Florence Pugh would be a cleaner.
| by Anonymous | reply 289 | April 11, 2020 9:49 AM |
"Jessica Lange would be a Wal-Mart catalogue model."
She was an actual model before she started acting
| by Anonymous | reply 290 | April 11, 2020 5:19 PM |
Liza would be a waitress at Pizza Hut.
| by Anonymous | reply 291 | April 11, 2020 7:20 PM |
Octavia Spencer would be a receptionist or a subway conductor.
| by Anonymous | reply 292 | April 11, 2020 7:23 PM |
Sarah Silver- annoying head nurse at a retirement community for Jewish people
| by Anonymous | reply 293 | April 11, 2020 7:36 PM |
Ben Affleck would be a car salesmen in Sparta Ga. for Hyundai
| by Anonymous | reply 294 | April 11, 2020 7:46 PM |
Rosie OD would be a miserable gym teacher at a jr high school
| by Anonymous | reply 295 | April 11, 2020 7:47 PM |
[quote] Sarah Silver- annoying head nurse at a retirement community for Jewish people
The photographer?
| by Anonymous | reply 296 | April 11, 2020 7:50 PM |
Ryan Reynolds would be a minor league hockey coach in Canada.
| by Anonymous | reply 297 | April 11, 2020 7:50 PM |
Ivanka Trump would be a cashier at the Piggly Wiggly in Moultrie Ga
| by Anonymous | reply 298 | April 11, 2020 8:01 PM |
Jimmy Kimmel would be a Used Car Salesman at one of those lots that advertises "Buy Here, Pay Here. No Credit, No Problem. Bring your Paystub."
| by Anonymous | reply 299 | April 11, 2020 8:07 PM |
Mariska Hargitay would be a Front Desk Clerk at a county hospital ER.
| by Anonymous | reply 300 | April 11, 2020 8:24 PM |
Madonna said she would have either become a nun or an entertainer. I can imagine her being very pious in church settings and then seducing teenaged boys behind closed doors.
| by Anonymous | reply 301 | April 11, 2020 8:31 PM |
When was Madonna ever pious? She's probably be a retired stripper
| by Anonymous | reply 302 | April 11, 2020 8:52 PM |
Ed O Neill : used car salesman. And he would also be the guy screaming and raging at Little League games when his kids were growing up.
| by Anonymous | reply 303 | April 11, 2020 9:28 PM |
Someone please do Charlize Theron next.
| by Anonymous | reply 304 | April 11, 2020 10:06 PM |
Rachel Ray - Home Economic teacher
| by Anonymous | reply 305 | April 12, 2020 12:55 AM |
R304 She's been an inmate in South African prison.
| by Anonymous | reply 306 | April 12, 2020 12:57 AM |
Connie Britton: Housewife in some stucco suburb in Arizona. Former PTA vice president, now a part time Zumba instructor cause the kids are finally out of the house and she can have a real career.
| by Anonymous | reply 307 | April 12, 2020 1:38 AM |
Connie has never married. She'd probably be a bull dyke driving a truck
| by Anonymous | reply 308 | April 12, 2020 1:46 AM |
R308 Connie was married. Britton was the name of her ex-husband. Her maiden name was Womack.
She also dated that weirdo comedian Jason Mantzoukas. That said, she pings my gaydar.
| by Anonymous | reply 309 | April 12, 2020 2:00 AM |
R302 Retired? She wouldn't retire.
| by Anonymous | reply 310 | April 12, 2020 3:52 AM |
R309 Slightly OT but I always thought Jason Mountzakas looked Indian but he's 100 percent Greek.
| by Anonymous | reply 311 | April 12, 2020 4:03 AM |
Charlize Theron would be in a South African prison serving time for killing her married lover. She has two children, one by the deceased and another born when Charlize was 15. She refuses to disclose who the father of that older child is.
In prison she's the leader of an Afrikaner gang and they spend time plotting ways of restoring white rule in the country.
| by Anonymous | reply 312 | April 12, 2020 6:15 AM |
Henry Cavill - waiter at a high-end LA restaurant. Lives well on the tips he gets from the eldergays.
| by Anonymous | reply 313 | April 12, 2020 9:10 AM |
Toni Coletti - checkout chick a lower end department store. Fat as fuck.
| by Anonymous | reply 314 | April 12, 2020 9:28 AM |
Gio Benitez — "Special" TV reporter on such things as exploding beach umbrellas and carcinogenic sunscreen. Oh, wait…
| by Anonymous | reply 315 | April 12, 2020 8:19 PM |
Jennifer Garner would be living in a red state with her low-level state politician husband, 7-going-on-8 kids, homeschooling, and idolizing Michelle Duggar.
| by Anonymous | reply 316 | April 13, 2020 1:05 AM |
Sara Gilbert would be a no nonsense LCSW whose personal life is a bigger mess than her clients.
| by Anonymous | reply 317 | April 13, 2020 1:11 AM |
Michelle Williams- Libertarian stock broker like her father
| by Anonymous | reply 318 | April 23, 2020 6:55 PM |
The Other Michelle Williams - Lube Dispenser at the local bathouse.
| by Anonymous | reply 319 | April 23, 2020 7:04 PM |
Rihanna - Church First Lady.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 320 | April 23, 2020 7:05 PM |
Dusty Springfield - Ice Cream Lady.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 321 | April 23, 2020 7:11 PM |
Gavin Newson would be a plastic surgeon.
Gayle King would be an OBGYN.
Norah O'Donnell would be VP at a bank or stock brokerage.
Savannah Guthrie would be the perky New Accounts Manager at a bank in the south trying to sell me all kinds of additional services when all I want is a basic checking account.
Jenna Bush Hager would be processing my return at Target Customer Service. That is when Target starts accepting returns again, I hear they've stopped taking exchange/returns.
| by Anonymous | reply 322 | April 23, 2020 7:26 PM |
Kimberly Guilfoyle - pharmaceutical sales rep
| by Anonymous | reply 323 | April 23, 2020 7:39 PM |
Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres: school bus drivers or cafeteria workers
Sean Hayes: originally a shopbottom at Marshall Field's, rose to manager of the women's shoes department when it was bought out by Macy's
Neil Patrick Harris: magician for children's parties
David Hyde Pierce: English professor SUNY Albany
| by Anonymous | reply 324 | April 23, 2020 7:52 PM |
Reese Witherspoon - CEO of Michael's Crafts or Home Goods. She'd know exactly what her frau demographic wants, how to give it to them at a bargain price, how to make them want more, and how to ruthlessly eliminate the competition!
| by Anonymous | reply 325 | April 23, 2020 11:30 PM |
R325 She also makes generation donations to the GOP.
| by Anonymous | reply 326 | April 24, 2020 1:17 AM |
Queen Latifah- owner of a lesbian gym
| by Anonymous | reply 328 | April 24, 2020 1:42 AM |
Kanye West - homeless mental patient who screams at the aliens and who will take any drug going to quiet the voices.
The late Charlie Sheen - the same, until he was shot by a cop.
Lady Gaga - barista by day, makeup vlogger by night!
Tom Hanks - beloved local newscaster.
| by Anonymous | reply 329 | April 24, 2020 4:15 AM |
R325, the bit about Reese is probably more on the money than any other post in this thread. She definitely has the right Type A personality and is smart enough to be CEO of a company that caters to dumb frauen.
| by Anonymous | reply 330 | April 24, 2020 5:58 AM |
Hopefully, the fraus won't turn much on Reese after the Draper James dress giveaway disaster.
| by Anonymous | reply 331 | April 24, 2020 3:31 PM |
r331, what happened with that?
| by Anonymous | reply 332 | April 24, 2020 4:40 PM |
R332 Draper James announced a giveaway for dresses for teachers. Over a million teachers applied for the giveaway, but 250 dresses were going to be given away. That pissed off people because it ended up a being a raffle/lottery type situation. The application page is still up and it explained that the applications were going to be put in a lottery. Some people called it a marketing ploy because some people who didn't win were sent discount codes for items.
The giveaway could have been handled better. I know Witherspoon isn't a DL fave. But, I don't think she is a horrible monster like Ellen.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 333 | April 24, 2020 4:54 PM |
Ellen's not a "monster" (except maybe according to Republicans who hate gays)
| by Anonymous | reply 334 | April 24, 2020 5:01 PM |
I recall Blinds about being awful to nannies and nanny agencies speculated to be Reese.
| by Anonymous | reply 335 | April 24, 2020 5:01 PM |
R335 I remember gossip years back that she refused to employ Hispanic people for her household staff.
| by Anonymous | reply 336 | April 24, 2020 5:05 PM |
Martin Short would be the French teacher at a small private high school outside Québéc. He would be the drama club sponsor who fights the administration to do edgy shows like The Fantasticks. Once a year at Christmas, the drama kids would go caroling and have hot cocoa at his house.
| by Anonymous | reply 337 | January 22, 2021 6:53 PM |
Roseann Barr - went from grocery store checker to homeless bag lady, as her mental health deteriorated.
Taylor Swift - runs an expensive high-fashion boutique with her girlfriend and her daddy's money. Hires other rich girls and treats them like friends who obey orders.
Saoirse Ronan - weird withdrawn girl in IT department, lives a secret life through her gamer persona.
Rudy Guiliani - mob lawyer. Oh, wait...
| by Anonymous | reply 338 | January 22, 2021 11:48 PM |
