I have a wonderful life outside of the bedroom. After eight years of marriage and a baker’s dozen years together, we are best friends who crack each other up and love day trips and cooking together. We are almost never apart, but our bedroom is dead. Is this common? What’s the path forward other than castration?
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | October 10, 2023 3:14 PM |
You sound like best friends, not lovers. Fuck other guys. Monogamy is a heterosexist concept anyway.
Castration? Something Freudian about that question.
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | October 9, 2023 7:47 AM |
I'm starting to come around to this idea as well. BUT what you described..... most people do not have. So maybe come to an arrangement? And keep your person. It's rare. Movies and television have tried to convince us most couples have both, hot sex life and what you described above. Not so.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | October 9, 2023 7:52 AM |
It's called Lesbian Bed Death.
Have you not heard of this? It's a terrible pandemic hitting the LGBT community, especially vulnerable are married gay couples.
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | October 9, 2023 8:02 AM |
Fucking other people can be dangerous though so beware if one or both of you can be the jealous type. I would try tackling the lack of sex first - talk to him about it, plan specific date nights, do some different things to spice it up.
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | October 9, 2023 8:02 AM |
So total you have been together over 21 years? Hun, most straight couples are in the same situation long before that.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | October 9, 2023 8:04 AM |
I was listening to Dan Savage’s podcast. Someone wrote in to say that, after many years together, they and their partner had different sexual appetites.
Dan responded to say that’s something you need to figure out early on.
First, I one’s 20s and 30s, their sexual appetite tends to be much stronger than as the years go on, so who would know that?
But also, it’s hard enough to find a partner where there is mutual attraction, similar values, overlapping interests, etc.
My point: sounds like you have a great situation. Don’t take it for granted.
When I talk with friends in long-term relationships (20+ years) most admit sex is rare.
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | October 9, 2023 9:35 AM |
R6 is correct. I know people that would kill for what you have OP. As you get older, having a companion, someone you trust, someone who gets you or cares about you or shares memories of good times with you is invaluable.
I know a few older people who are sexually active, but even that is rare. But worse, is they are all terribly lonely without a real partner. This woman I work for is like that. Divorced, no family, no friends. I was about to clock out and leave, but she begged me to stay a little longer and sit with her at her big 12 person dinning table where she ate her meal all alone most of the time. So lonely she literally paid me just to sit and chat with her.
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | October 9, 2023 9:48 AM |
I can personally vouch that once you tried sex on cocaine or amphetamines, it's like your brain rewires itself immediately and the idea of having sex sober becomes almost a chore. It took me a decade of sobriety to sort of get aroused at the idea of having sex sober, and still there's a missing element (the disinhibition, the endurance, the utter focus on sex and only sex, the disintegration of the outside world, etc.), and will always be missing. So I would avoid uppers in general. Other drugs like weed might be indicated though, but I haven't tried.
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | October 9, 2023 10:29 AM |
Stay in shape, both of you. Feeling good about your body helps to maintain a healthy libido. Be curious and creative, try different toys, positions, locations, etc for sex. Don't watch porn to jack off, or at least do so sparingly. And make sex with your partner a priority, like a regular day/time every week. If all else fails, try Viagra.
| by Anonymous | reply 10 | October 9, 2023 10:36 AM |
Thought this was going to be an article written by a frau and published on some website, describing her journey pre and post the death of the bedroom, and how she sought counsel and therapy and told all her BFFs about it, but nothing really worked to remedy the situation - or something absurd did, some kumbaya, neo-zen insidous schlock 'solution'.
Well done, OP.
| by Anonymous | reply 11 | October 9, 2023 11:47 AM |
I went through the same thing with my partner of 15 years s d we both were messing around on the side and it just got weird and uncomfortable and we ended up splitting up. We were so financially entangled that it was difficult but we weren’t angry and it went smoothly. I’ve been so the since and sometimes I regret the breakup but overall I’m happier.
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | October 9, 2023 12:01 PM |
Add some dildos into the mix
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | October 9, 2023 12:06 PM |
married to the same man for 27 years. Monogamous. Though we did have a handful of hot 3 ways some years back. Sex drive wains with long term married couples- straight or gay. Your situation is not unusual.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | October 9, 2023 3:55 PM |
Sex drive wans with age, regardless of relationship status
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | October 9, 2023 6:05 PM |
Well,after that many years it has become the same ole same ole. Think most couples experience this. The playground is for youngsters.
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | October 9, 2023 6:14 PM |
OP, I'd love to have a relationship like that. But then, I'm asexual.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | October 9, 2023 7:01 PM |
Before he died last year, I was in the same situation with my partner. We were together for 17 years.
The sex flamed out comparatively early in the relationship and we became best friends - the 13 year age difference between us factored in as well. We reached an accord and moved to an open relationship- but we never let any of our shags come between us.
We were tight, had each others backs, enjoyed each other’s company. It wasn’t all smooth sailing; he was in therapy for years and I tend to go through occasional low, depressive periods, but do come out into the sunshine again.
Now that I am alone, I have found that my libido has returned with a bit of a vengeance. I’ve made some new friends too and am moving forward into my middle years (while looking back at my partnered time with a mixture of satisfaction and regret).
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | October 9, 2023 7:21 PM |
[quote] OP, I'd love to have a relationship like that. But then, I'm asexual.
r17 I hope you're not the 'A' in the LGBTQIA+ because that's fake.
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | October 10, 2023 3:14 PM |
