Here are some of the crueler, more creative English classics of Chant culture; while a handful are darkly funny it pained me to even copy-paste some others, so don’t read on if you’re easily offended...
[quote] He’s bald, he’s red/He sleeps in Fergie’s bed! Howard Webb, Howard Webb!
[quote] (as infamously seen on songsheet flyers seized from West Ham fans by the Met Police) John Terry’s queer, he takes it up the rear/He loves to sit on Costa’s face, he takes it up the bum/He’s just a Chelsea scum! (nb. absurd, the man is clearly a top. Sorry JT ilu :/)
[quote] Gary and his brother/They love to shag each other/Their sister and their mother/The Neville family!/Da da da dum *snap snap*
[quote] It could be worse, you could be gay/And get fucked in the arse by John O’Shea!
[quote] We all live in a Catholic housing scheme/The walls are painted green/Michael Fagan shagged The Queen...
[quote] In your Liverpool slums/You **** on the carpet, you piss in the bath/You finger your grandma, and think its a laugh...
[quote] Five men went to bed, went to bed with Cashley/Five men-four men-three men-two men-one man and his phone/Went to bed with Cashley!
[quote] (sung at Gerrard) Who's that coming over your wife? Is it a gangster, is it a gangsterrrrr??
[quote] (about the woman who rightly accused Ched Evans of rape) She’s a fucking liar, a liar, a liar/She takes it up the shitter, shitter, shitter...
[quote] Van - per -sie/When a girl says no: molest her...
[quote] (directed toward female officials in male games, such as linesmen) Get back in your kitcheeeeeeen!
[quote] He falls to the left, he falls to the riiight/That David Murray, he needs a hand taking a shite! (former Celtic Rangers owner Murray is an amputee)
[quote] There's only two Andy Gorams. Two Andy Gorrrrrams. There’s only two Andy Gorams...(Goram has schizophrenia)
[quote] Tim-Timminy-Tim-Timminy-Tim-Tim-Teroo/We’ve got Tim Howard and he says 'fuck you’! (Howard has Tourette’s)
[quote] Sol, Sol, wherever you may be/You're on the verge of lunacy/And we don't give a fuck if you're hanging from a tree, you Judas cunt with HIV...(a few fans were charged by police for this one)
[quote] Who's that dying on the runway?/ Who's that dying in the snow?/It's Matt Busby and his boys making such a fucking noise, ‘cause they can't get their aeroplane to go...(shorter alternatives: ‘Always look on the ruuuuuuunway for ice!’, ‘96 wasn’t enough’, and ‘12 went up, 7 died/Now United play 5-a-side’)
[quote] Duncan Edwards is manure, rotting in his grave/Man U are manure, rotting in your grave...(you will never hear diehard United fans call the team ‘Man U’ for this reason)
[quote] Adebayor, Adebayoooooor/His dad washes elephants, and his mum is a whore! (variants: ‘three died in Angola, it should have been four’ and ‘he used to love coach-trips, he don’t anymore’)
[quote] He shoots, he scores, he eats Labradors! Ji Sung Paaaark!
[quote] (directed at black refs) A noose, a tree, hang the referee...
[quote] The Bradford end is always full/The Bradford end is always full/Full of what? It's full of Pakis...
[quote] Mike Harris is illegitimate, He ain't got no birth certificate/He's got AIDS and can't get rid of it...
[quote] (regarding Heysel) We won it three times, we won it three tiiiiimeees, Without killing anyone, we won it three times!
[quote] He’s gay; he’s dead; he’s hanging in a shed/Fa-sha-nuuuuuu!
Please note also that despite the hooligan reputation England actually has some of most tame chants; the rulers of horrific songs from the stands are the Dutch, French, Bosnians/Serbs and Russians who will frequently sing about players getting knifed or kerb-stomped to death, necrophilically gang raped or the in case of Jewish players, bombed and gassed. Nazi cunts. Though back in the day Arsenal when at Spurs would sometimes hiss meaning to imitate the sound of gas chambers (shudder) or chant ‘Spurs are off to Belsen’.
