Continued from R109:
As I was telling him the story, I answered the question.
I did not grieve my beloved grandmother because we had as perfect of a relationship as two human beings could ever hope to have. There was NEVER, EVER any screaming, judgement, bullying, shaming, rage, or anger. Ever. All I ever got from my grandmother was unconditional love and all I have back to her was exactly the same she so freely offered me.
My grandma did not do this suddenly, as many do, when realizing that life really is too short and perhaps there are 10 to 5 years left. She did this from the time I was pulled out of my mother until the day she died. She was this way with everyone, and the woman genuinely didn’t have any character flaw that anyone, familiar or strangers, could hold against her. She never proselytized to anyone, myself included, and she not once, called me a foul name or treated me like a POS when I was profoundly struggling with alcoholism/addiction. And her generosity of spirit abounded to all, so she was never untrue to herself.
She was just a simple gal. A simple gal who’s unexpected death taught me that for me, loving someone unconditionally, and she allowing me to do this as well towards her, bore no sting or deep grief, because it was a perfect love.
When we allow ourselves to love others in this way, without fear or censorship, and when we do not construct walls of fear between ourselves and others, allowing them to love us back grief just doesn’t exist. Why? Because an open and loving heart cannot loathe, fear and despise at the same time it is abounding with love and acceptance of all things and of others as they are, and not as expectations which we ourselves set up, in order to stay safe and unable to love or be loved , favored by those of us who never had the true opportunity to experience love as the simplest yet most powerful bond we have with one another.
There was a time when people understood this. There was a time when communities or tribes saw each other as vital and essential parts of each-other’s lives, and death was just another journey made with those who were living respected as an honor rather than as gut wrenching loss.
The Queen looks like she is out there, in her little pink, tweed Chanel coat and decorative pin, loving all things and people unconditionally, which is when true happiness is finally realized. She has accepted herself and those around her, and appears to appreciate them with great generosity and wisdom. Which is why I never believe any of the bullshit stories I read about her alleged disappointment with her grandson, Harry. Harry is who he is and became who he became because behind the scenes, he had a grandmother who chose to love him unconditionally, rather than to give him a ton of shit and belittle him. Which is why he is able to march to the beat of his own drum and proudly so.
You become this way when someone loves you no matter what. And believe me when I say that throughout all of the shit these boys went through with their mother’s death and the scrutiny from the world, one was able to find his own way home into the heart of his little family.
Do not be afraid, Cunts. Remember when shit gets really messy, that yiu still have an opportunity to love others unconditionally if only you stop trying to make unconditional love, conditional. Love isn’t a negotiation. It’s very simple, much like my grandma. And either you experience it unconditionally which is self realization, or you experience heartache and loss because you were too busy expecting something in return for that love. That’s not love. That’s coercion and codependency.
Yuck. 🤮
