I paused, giving her the chance to say, perhaps, something of value, but she didn't. She only glared at me and blurted, 'I always knew you were a cold bitch. Jesus! There was nothing phony about it. I wanted to die. I —
'Bullshit!' I shouted. 'All you wanted was for me to feel totally responsible for you . . . to leave my family, like Aunt Bobby left hers, and come home to keep poor Mommy company. I know it and you know it and I won't allow myself to be put into this position again. I can't and won't handle it anymore. You've given me colitis and I wound up at the hospital once, but that's where it ends. It should be enough to satisfy even your craving for attention.'
'I didn't know,' she stammered, and I thought for a moment that she was actually going to apologize and ask how I felt - but the moment quickly passed. 'How can you stand there and accuse me of not trying to kill myself? You deserted me . . . how would you know?'
'That's a good one,' I retorted, laughing despite my anger. 'You made your charming phone call, locked all the doors, drew the curtains, took the phone off the hook and hid . . . probably in your bedroom watching television. The only thing you didn't do was take any sleeping pills, try to shoot yourself or anything else, You staged it and it didn't work, so you got bored and pulled yourself together. I knew it stank at the time, but you confirmed it when you answered the phone a couple of days later. I was the one who hung up on you.'
'O.K., B.D., you've stated your opinion and I won't say any more about it. I'm just glad that you love me.'
'That's another thing,' I said. 'I may be your daughter, but I'm also a human being and human beings have emotions which they can't control. Right this minute I'm none too fond of you. The love will undoubtedly return but, for the time being. I have no more to give. And I meant what I said . . . don't ever play sick games with me again.'
She stared at me and I stared back, neither of us speaking. Then she shifted her gaze and said, 'I listened. What else do you want?'
'I had the strange idea,' I admitted, 'that you might feel some slight remorse for putting me through all this ... I see I was wrong.
'O.K., B.D.,' she said without a trace of sincerity, 'I'm sorry. Can we forget it now?'
'Since that's obviously the best you can do, we'll put it aside. But forget it? Never!'
'Fine, fine,' she said impatiently. 'Would you like another cup of coffee?'
'No, thank you. I've a lot to do and I'd better get going. Thank you for lunch.'
Mother followed me to the door. As I kissed her on the cheek and said good-bye, she said, 'I'm glad you were so worried about me. It helps to know that you love me so much.'
