Lida: Mmm hmmm! We’re gonna, um...gossip! And then we’re gonna, um...talk about stuff...and stuff.
Melina: Mmm hmm. And the first person we’re gonna talk about, is that, um...that lawyer girl, Ally McBeal!
(a picture of Calista Flockhart appears at the bottom)
Melina and Lida: Oh my gahhhh!!!
Melina: She needs a make-over bad!
Lida: Yeah, her tetas are even smaller than mine!
Melina: And all those sharp, ugly bones stickin out all over! Stoopid, what is your man gonna bounce on??
Lida: That’s right! She should eat somethin, ya know? Ok...I heard...I heard that once, um...she was sittin there, and there was a cheeseburger in front of her, and she didn’t eat it!
Melina: Oh my gah! She’s so stoopid!
Lida: Why she so stoopid?? Ok...I love cheeseburgers! I like the ones that you can get at that place...that place where you could, um...drive through it!
Melina: “Have it your way!”
Lida: No, no not that place. You could drive through it...you could drive through it!
Melina: Oh, “I love this place!”
Lida: No, not that place. That place you gotta get out of the car. This place you could just drive through it...um...
Melina: Um...
Lida: Um...
Melina: Um...um...um...oh! Oh! “You want fries with that?”
Lida: Yeah that place!
Melina: Stoopid, that’s the “have it your way” place!
Lida: Alright...sorry! Mmm, I’m gettin hungry talkin about it.
Melina: No, we’re gonna go eat afterwards, you know what I’m sayin? Oh! And Ally McBeal, you should come with us!
Lida: Yeah! Yeah! And...(holds up the dog and talks for him) Ally, if you come with us, I could share my Kibbles and Bits with you! (talks to the dog) Oh my gah, you’re so sweet Papi! Isn’t he cute?
Melina: Yeah it was cute about the first 300 times you did it, Lida!
Lida: Why don’t you shut up?
Melina: No you shut up!
Lida: That’s right...
Melina: Ok, so here’s what bony-ass would look like after a make-over from us!
(shows a picture of Calista Flockhart with hair and make-up similar to Melina’s)
Melina: Yeah, except I’d make her eat a pound of butter!
Lida: Yeah! Alright...who we gonna talk about now?
Melina: Oooh! We’re gonna talk about THIS loca!
(a picture of Anne Heche appears at the bottom)
Lida: Oh my gah, oh my gah...you know about her, right?
Melina: (begins to laugh) Shut up stoopid! Shut up!
Lida: Right? You know what she likes, right?
Melina: Shut up, stoopid! I’m not listening!
Lida: You know, right? She likes tetas! Oh my gahh!!! (laughs)
Melina: Her kitty cat only eats fish! Oh my gahh!! (laughs)
Lida: Ooooh dang! Oooh dang! (laughs) Alright, alright. I mean, I love you, LeeLee, and stuff...but I could never...
Melina: I mean, I love you too, but you know...there’s no woman that I could, you know...
Lida: I could never...well, maybe...except for Selena!
Melina: Aye! Que linda, Selena!
Lida: Selena, I love you! Wherever you are!
Melina: She’s in Heaven, stoopid!
Lida: Alright...
Melina: Ok, so here’s what that lesbiana, Anne Heche, would look like after a make-over from Lida and Melina!
(shows a picture of Anne Heche, with hair and make-up similar to Lida’s)
Lida: Oooh, she looks so good now, maybe she could finally get herself a man!
Melina: Mmm hmm!
