“I can be a picky eater,” Jeremy admitted. “There were a few things I was nervous I wouldn’t like, and I actually liked a lot of them.” Zach ordered a gin specialty cocktail, and Jeremy had a ginger lemonade. After Zach pointed out that the lemonade didn’t contain alcohol, Jeremy asked the server for a shot of vodka and poured it in.
“I don’t really go to fancy restaurants that often,” Zach said to Jeremy, trying to break the ice at the beginning of the date. Neither remembers verbatim what was said next, but, Jeremy “basically said I can tell you don’t go to fancy restaurants all that often,” Zach told me, and then made a comment about Zach’s hair — not his mustache. Zach, who grew up in a rural town in Virginia, worried the comment was stereotyping him as being a “country bumpkin.”
That was not at all what he meant to convey, Jeremy said. The comment, triggered by nerves, “just came out the wrong way, and it was my way of trying to relate to him.” For Jeremy, the anxiety of the moment — and the fear of how it colored Zach’s perception of him — interfered with how the date progressed. “I think he took that as I don’t think he’s attractive. I actually do. And then I was worried about how this is going to appear, and I was a little off after.”
“After that happened, there was silence and I started laughing, and he started laughing, and we joked about it throughout the night,” Jeremy said. But for Zach, that moment was when he “realized it was not going to work out.” Zach, self-conscious, took out his phone and studied his hair.
The rest of the conversation circled around connections and hobbies. They frequent the same bars and both play kickball and trivia, but they didn’t go beyond surface-level interests. “A very big part of me is I’m into playing video games, but he never really got that out of me,” Zach said.
Jeremy felt the disconnect, too. “There were some awkward silences,” he said. “I was trying to reassure him after the hair thing, and then I got nothing, so in that sense I got that he probably isn’t into me.” With Zach’s established career in government, Jeremy also thought Zach seemed more settled down, prompting him to wonder whether he was “really ready to be in something serious,” as he is navigating a new career.
After two hours, they paid the bill and shared Instagram handles. They hugged and parted ways with an amicable goodbye. Jeremy messaged Zach to say he had a nice time. “I would be down to get drinks with him, but I don’t think we’re compatible beyond more than that,” Jeremy said.
Rate the date
Jeremy: 4 [out of 5].
Zach: 3.
Update
No further contact.
